About the problem of self-esteem

Most of the appeals to coaches and psychologists are directly or indirectly related to the problem of self-esteem. For some, it is underestimated, for others it is overestimated. The norm is an adequate self–assessment that allows you to objectively look at yourself and the world around you. Of course, those with low self-esteem are more likely to apply, or those who feel, guess, understand that something is wrong with their Self-concept.
Inadequate self-esteem can cause conflict with reality and, consequently, cause neurosis. What should I do to normalize my self-esteem? Here are some useful tips.

• Do not strive to please everyone and try to please everyone. This is unrealistic and harmful to oneself and to people who can recognize that they are being misled by unlimited obsequiousness.
• It should be taken into account that not everyone will be on your side in all matters. Accept and treat this calmly, as an objective fact.
Envy is usually easier for people than gratitude. The manifestation of the first and the deficiency of the second can affect self-esteem. We need to be prepared for this and learn to perceive human weaknesses in much the same way as bad weather, which does not depend on us.
• The “everything is like everything” position should be excluded from the rules for guiding one’s own behavior: it is illusory. There is no “everyone”, there are stereotypes and average response models that need to be critically analyzed before they can be followed.
• Special work consists in separating one’s own goals, desires, motives, values and behavioral reactions from inappropriate ones – foreign, borrowed and, especially, imposed ones. It’s not an easy job, but it’s worth the price, which is independence and identity.
• Mistakes made in life should not turn into a reason for self-flagellation, self-eating, chronic or prolonged destructive reflection. Mistakes are an excuse not to destroy yourself, but to work on yourself. Mistakes are hints where to direct your development.
• Do not defiantly expose your vices and focus on your shortcomings. It is quite possible that what you think is such can cause a different reaction in people.

Low self–esteem is not such a harmless thing as it seems. For its owner, it at least hinders the normal decision-making process. The decisions of one person that are not taken in a timely and adequate manner cannot somehow not affect others if they do not live in the wilderness or the Arctic desert. At most, on an individual scale, low self-esteem becomes a chronic disorder. A person with low self–esteem can become a manipulator and begin to treat – blame – their loved ones and acquaintances, exposing themselves as a victim of circumstances that these people allegedly caused directly or indirectly.